The Ground Is Trying to Kill You (Don’t Worry, It’s Rare…ish)

Marquette, MIOctober , 2014 – The world is full of dangerous dangers. As children we’re taught to fear everything from strangers to Halloween candy. When we grow up we learn that not everything is out to kill us.

This puppy will murder your entire family while you sleep. (Image Credit:

This puppy will murder your entire family while you sleep.

(Image Credit:

That’s right. Not everything in the world is out to kill you. Except maybe the ground you stand on. Did you know that natural floor beneath your feet that seems so very stable is capable of collapsing any minute. Like any minute, for any reason. Are you sure you’re standing on solid ground? Because you’re not.

Sink holes are exactly what they say they are: holes that open up in the ground, sucking (sinking) in everything unlucky enough to be positioned on top. They can be anywhere from three feet wide and just a few inches deep to gaping chasms hundreds of feet across. The earth is hungry and has decided that you, your car, your house, and probably even your dog are the main course:

The funniest part of the video are the drivers nonchalantly maneuvering around the ever expanding hole of doom.

When the world isn’t trying to swallow you, it’s going to crush you:

(“Dude, we really should’ve just gone to McDonalds.”)

Engulfing you in it’s inky abyss or smashing you flat not enough? That’s okay, the world will also randomly explode at you. If you’re lucky, someone standing around will capture your impending demise on camera, Blair Witch Project-style:

At the end of the day the lesson is clear: You cannot hide. You cannot run. The earth itself is going to get you. You can’t even hide under your bed.

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